Can we return to looking out for each other and move away from looking down on each other? We seem to have hit a moment as Lockdown V 3.0 becomes very real. Those of us that have felt a little grumpy about having to endure further restrictions for the foreseeable future are beginning to see…
As the concept of practising gratitude to improve our emotional health becomes more popular we take a closer look at it. Here Julian explains 1 pitfall to avoid and the general plus points of being grateful. If you prefer to read or want to know the source of the benefits quoted we have an article…
King’s College London did some research backed by NIHR (click here to read it) into levels of anger caused by and related to COVID19 (CoronaVirus). It was released today and led to Calm People being invited on to several radio stations to discuss the findings. You can hear one of the interviews with BBC WM…
It’s upon us again. World Mental Health Day. With all the days we have in the annual calendar to boost awareness of important subjects it is easy for us to become numbed towards the important messages that come out. So I am going to make it simple this year. The awareness day may grab you…
This article is written as the Office for National Statistics (ONS) releases it’s survey entitled Coronavirus and depression in adults, Great Britain: June 2020 About about uncertainty One of my first bosses, a bluff Yorkshireman had a saying…”There’s nowt so constant as change,” and he was right. Most of us know this intuitively yet…
Beware the pit of normality…those feelings down there may overwhelm you This article is prompted by a lovely observation from a close business associate who said “I have navigated the pitfalls of COVID19 quite well, I quite enjoyed lockdown and made the best of it, I have pivoted my business and I thought I was…
Note: if you prefer to watch a video scroll to the bottom The impact of the current CV-19 crisis is causing a spike in calls to Domestic Violence helplines – but there are obvious impediments to the sort of aid that would normally be available to those affected. The current “lockdown”, involving social distancing and…
Have you noticed how much more judgemental you are feeling at the moment? I have I notice that my ability to judge others becomes one of my super powers when I am feeling less than secure in my own self and given the levels of uncertainty that we are facing it is no surprise that…
Note: If you prefer to see this talked through scroll to the bottom to see the video I mentioned in the previous talk that we have large numbers of people accessing the My Internal World system and as more and more of you use the comprehensive assessment to get your own personalised report then the…
Note: if you have an instagram account and prefer to watch me talk through this click here Since we made our My Internal World site completely free in the last week over 300 people have registered accounts with us and many of those have started using the comprehensive assessment and emotional health report to build…
We, however, would like to share with you a decision that turned out to be surprisingly easy to make. Here at Calm People we have been working on a completely new concept for the last 2 years. We have been developing a comprehensive emotional health assessment that delivers to you a detailed and personalised report…
Let’s start with a big understatement. We are living in uncertain times. We don’t know what this virus is going to do to us, to our business, or our staff. We don’t really know what the government is going to do next so we are continually waiting for a daily briefing to get the next…
The headline of this article is an understatement for many. For many of us, perhaps most of us, these times of uncertainty are unprecedented. This means that very few of us will have the answers and it is essentially down to us to work this stuff out for ourselves. What are we uncertain of? The…
The words “we are in the midst of a pandemic” are the sort likely to strike fear in the hearts of many. It is true that, for many of us, we are living through an unprecedented time and this can be scary. While many of us may not express our fear it is through our…
In light of the developing virus in the UK and the predictions of action that the government may take we put together this newsletter and shared it with our clients. Several fed back to us that it is worth sharing generally. In the words of one “Thank you Julian – a calm and welcome voice…
Mental Health First Aid and related initiatives are doing a fantastic job. They are doing what has been needed for a long time which is raising in the awareness of employers the impact that mental and emotional health issues have on the workforce. They also provide a human safety net with signposting to specialists for…
For those that have not seen it Pope Francis was on walk about and was touching hands and engaging with the crowd. As he moved away a woman grabbed him and pulled him back. He responded by chastising her, scowling and smacking her hand away. He was angry. It makes the news because as the…
Everybody’s been there – that gnawing anxiety that won’t go away when your workload feels like it’s way more than you can handle. The good news is that you’re not alone. You’re overwhelmed, and that’s normal. Here’s the bad news: prolonged anxiety caused by workplace overwhelm not only reduces productivity, but can also lead to…
This is a regular question we get asked. Here is a brief summary of possible issues and how you need to tackle them. Anger is a great motivator, protects us from attack and helps us assert ourselves in the face of massive odds. It can be healthy but for many it is ruining relationships and…
Mark Field Conservative MP hit the headlines this week when he was seen to manhandle a Greenpeace a protester who had interrupted the Chancellor of the Exchequer’s Mansion House speech. This brought a couple of issues to mind about the work we do in anger management. Firstly, Greenpeace are using this to generate headlines and…
I’m having a tough time dealing with my feelings of vulnerability at the moment. More specifically I am really aware of my relationship with fear and sadness. Before I go into why I may be feeling that way I want to explain the impact these are having on me. The easiest symptom to spot…
It’s National Stress Awareness Month. As part of our continuing support for providing the information, people need about this important subject we made a video with some friends of ours notably, SkillBase First Aid. You can either watch it on one go or as 6 separate segments. Your choice. When we cut them into…
Calm People countdown to our exciting new happiness project I was at the first Happy Café in Derby this evening to mark the International Day of Happiness – you might have seen us on BBC East Midlands Today! I was there because, as the founder and director of a company which sees the impact of…
It is rare that delegates on our Keeping Calm Intensive Weekend Workshop publicly share their experiences because they can be quite intense (as the name suggests). We have been lucky enough that one of our recent delegates chose to share her experience on her own blog and has allowed us to share it. Click below …
This brief article is prompted by a call I got from our local radio station asking if, at short notice, I would talk about road rage on their morning show. I agreed. The premise was that the presenter was experiencing more in-car reactions and wanted to know more about it. The piece was light-hearted but…
Time to talk day is approaching so we made a video to give what we think of as essential basic for having a healthy Mental Health conversation. Please do not let the still you can see here of Julian Hall looking like a muppet put you off. He is a muppet at times but quite often…
Those of you who read this blog regularly will be aware that we do not often accept guest blogs. If we do they have to be decent quality and fit with the messages we are trying to reinforce. When I read this from Charlotte I wanted it on our site immediately. I hope you enjoy…
I was privileged to be invited on to local radio to talk about New Year’s Resolutions. To listen to that interview click here I wrote a year ago (see here) about these and felt it was worth revisiting simply because I talked about issues that I have not covered before. Here are a few things…
Before we look at Anger Management as a subject it is best that we understand what anger is and why we may like to manage it. “More than one in ten (12%) say that they have trouble controlling their own anger” Mental Health Foundation, Boiling Point Report What is anger? In its essence…
Christmas should be a time of festive cheer, love and laughter with treasured friends and family, but sadly, for some people, it can mark the start of an extremely stressful period. These worries tend to go far beyond whether they’ve cooked enough food, or if their presents will be well received. Money worries, family issues,…
This is prompted by an enquiry we had recently where the possible new client wanted us to stop conflict happening in their team. They felt that their team needed an intervention and maybe a workshop from us at Calm People to stop their team from having conflict. As you may expect, our response was that…
I write this brief note because there has been research into hereditary stress and because it is a common question asked by stressed parents who are worried (double the stress again) that they will pass this on to their children. The answer is more than a simple yes or no. It is yes, no and…
A lot of our clients stay in touch with us and they update us on their progress. Occasionally they go further when the work we have done with them inspires them to other activities. In this case, our client, who went through our Intensive Weekend Workshop, subsequently spent some months meditating on their inner shame…
I woke up this morning with that heady feeling that all is well with the world and I am lucky to be alive. Yes, you guessed it, I have got caught up in the story of England’s progress through the world cup. Yet two days ago I was managing my expectations better than Gareth Southgate…
Reading a quote from Colin Montgomery caused me to take to my keyboard and quickly add this addendum to a blog written a few months ago – Click here for the original – Colin has scored a major tournament win in Denmark and feels good. He is quoted as saying ““There were 60 guys starting…
This is a question that I get asked a great deal or the other common question is “does mindfulness work?” The prevalence of this question is down to a number of reasons – Mindfulness is becoming popular and high profile. There are a lot more people qualifying as mindfulness teachers A lot of people are…
Thank you for visiting this post. It is likely this is because you intend to subscribe to our newsletter We only send one newsletter a month. The content may not be relevant to you every time but maybe one day there will be that one article or offer that helps you decide to do something to…
Earl Nightingale said, “When you judge others you do not define them, you define yourself.” To judge is to be human. Animals do not judge other animals. Humans are the only species that have that learnt ability to look at another human and pass judgement on them. This is not something that is part of…
In this article I will use our Speaker of the House of Commons, John Bercow, as a vehicle for explaining a couple of significant factors that may go into developing a personality that expresses itself through anger. As this is written John Bercow’s behaviour and the possible ramifications for him personally are all over the…
In this article we examine issues raised in a recent CIPD & Simply Health survey. My simple perspective (It’s all about me really but it is relevant) Every interaction I have with a group, be it a workshop or a talk to a larger group I always introduce myself in this way…”My name is Julian…
Is your emotional health being sustained with the technological equivalent of fast food every day? What are the signs that your intake is unhealthy? What can you do? Read this and understand your social media bloatiness, how it occurs and what you can do to address it. My prompt for writing this article is the…
April is Stress Awareness Month in the UK A few weeks ago a survey of 1300 workers by ADP about stress in the workplace was released. Several blogs trumpeted the headline figures including the words “A third of UK workers (31 percent) say their employer has little or no interest in their mental health, despite…
Valentine’s day is a massive marketing opportunity. It is a day set aside every year for people that sell anything that connects with our emotions, and particularly the emotion of love, to stimulate their sales. For card shops, chocolate manufacturers and florists it is their Black Friday. There is a difference, though, to Black Friday.…
In this supercharged social media fuelled world where overachievement is valued above most things the words “you are are allowed to fail” are not often heard. They are, however, very necessary. In our private practice a lot of our clients come to us with the “last chance” shadow hanging over them and the idea that…
Yes, you are correct, Calm People have moved in to film recommendations now. Is there any limit to our ambition and vanity? No is the honest answer but let’s not go into that now. It’s Christmas At Christmas, there is nothing our family like more than simply relaxing, being together and watching films. I don’t…
Calm People have just finished working with a national logistics organisation training their drivers to be stay calm on the road. In other words we have been helping them be more emotionally resilient. Emotionally resilient drivers are likely to – Be more alert and drive more safely. Be less emotionally reactive and thus be –…
If you had to choose one over the other what would be your choice? It is an interesting question that we often debate on our workshops. Not because we want people to choose but simply because we want to gain a mutual understanding of what the two mean and how they contribute to our overall…
Every environment, be that work or home, can get stressful at times. The difference between work and home is that responsibilities are markedly different at work. When I’m at home, how stressful my environment becomes is a factor of the the choices that I make. It is largely my responsibility. Once you start to employ…
We’ve all experienced it at some point. We’re in front of a crowd, or we’re chasing a deadline we know we can’t meet. And it just happens. Suddenly, we find it hard to breathe, or it feels as if everything’s going to consume us. We can’t move and we’re paralyzed. Before we know it, we’re…
One of the regular tips I share via social media goes like this….Did you know that journaling on a regular basis is a great way to empty the mind and slow down the worry monster? I’d like to share why I choose to say that and why it helps my wellbeing Perspectives This is written…
VUCA is a term that has been around for around 20 years. Like the term Emotional Resilience, that first came to prominence in a report from the NHS 15 years ago, VUCA is a term that has taken time to come to prominence. Until now, that is, where it it feels like a significant term…
In this blog that comes as school returns, we look at some of the stress related behaviours that we have observed which seem to revolve around our annual summer leave. This article is a combination of stories that we have heard time and time again in our workshops over the years and which we have…
A 21st century first world problem that is potentially one of the biggest health risks we face. I have been meaning to write an article about this subject matter for some time. It is a favourite soapbox subject for me in workshops and seminars but strangely enough I have not really committed it to our…
You love them. You have an almost unbreakable attachment to them. You must have, because you stay and put up with their behaviour. That is the bottom line to living with someone who has anger issues. They are either your child in which case you have, or try to have, unconditional love for them or…
We often get asked how to prevent burnout. First of all we don’t really like that term because it implies that once it has happened there is no going back which is not true. But in the spirit of answering the question I put some thoughts together. This is written from the perspective of…
It’s that time of year again where everyone who is involved in the personal development arena starts preaching about the best way…often new way… to improve our lives this year. I am no different although I do hope to give a slightly different, albeit not a new, perspective on this interesting time of year. Here…
The Apprentice has started and after its first two episodes it is already challenging us here at Calm HQ. Every Reality TV series that has a great concept has a challenge; that being to live up to it’s original promise while not being exactly the same each year. If the format remains the same then…
Here at Calm People we work in a lot of organisations of all different sizes. When talking to delegates about stress there is always one theme that evolves in almost every workshop. When we talk about the sources of their stress on major source of stress is The Boss. For us it is too easy…
Note: This article was written for and previously appeared on Busines Matters Magazine website Britain is basking in post Olympic games glory. The best medal haul for 108 years and tables are being produced showing our world standing for medals per head of population, millions invested or even as a factor of our GDP. We…
Nick Kyrgios has further burnished his reputation as the bad boy of the Pro Tennis Tour in Cincinnati by smashing 3 racquets on the court during a match where he lost in 3 sets to Borna Coric in a 2nd round match. The explosion came during the break after the first set when he had…
Here at Calm People we are happy to share another guest post by way of an info-graphic from Study Medicine Europe. Accompanying this is an article on How To Study Effectively which students of any discipline may find useful.
Site note – Calm People contributed towards a post on the site linked back here a month or so ago. A large amount of the work we do is around relationships and we thought a different viewpoint from the normal one we express was worthwhile hosting. I’d like to place on record my thanks to Kafe for…
What the EU Referendum result means for the UK only time will really tell. What is clear to me is that we have been given choice, of which, 73% of us who could choose actually chose to join the democratic process we were invited to join. In doing so 52% have chosen for us to…
A short note about the impact for me , and I think many others, that the death of Jo Cox has had on politics. In the world of anger management, it is well known the effects that our criticisms and judgements of others have on the relationship between us and them. To recap quickly, when…
What lessons for anger management and general calmness could the referendum on the European union membership hold for us? If David Cameron had known the impact that calling a referendum on our membership of the European union would have on his party, society in general and certain individuals would he still have called it? I…
We were interviewed by a Business Networking Website which has national coverage. We ended up being nominated as their business of the month for June 2016.We really liked the slightly different angle the interviewer took of us. To see what we mean follow this link to their website.
I got a call on Saturday from LBC Radio asking my opinion on the Johnny Depp – Amber Heard situation from an anger management point of view. I was not aware of the story that was breaking at that point but was still able to sum up what was happening….probably. With 5 minutes research…
This article is prompted by a full page spread in the Sunday Times that headlines with “Top schools teach fretful parents in bid to ease pressure on pupils.” It goes on to say that “For the first time parents as well as children are being taught techniques to help them stay calm amid concerns that…
How To Cope With Stress Before Your Finals – Linda Craig No matter how well prepared you might be for your important final exams, it is human nature to be nervous and stressed before the big day actually arrives. Nervousness and even more serious cases of anxiety have been linked to taking exams for years,…
This brief post is for anyone who was finding the stress and pressure of daily life was guiding their thoughts towards working with Calm People towards the end of last year but then…….they swerved away. December is traditionally a quiet time of the year for us at Calm People. I’ll explain why that is…
Sivana Spirit a spiritual website I the US wrote to us here at Calm HQ and asked if we would share our thoughts on happiness. Click here to read the blog on their site.
Two pieces of news over the weekend prompted this reflection and mild rant. The first a poll released by Barnados entitled “Generation Selfie” showed that the vast majority of 14 year olds felt resilient with only 9% agreeing with the statement “people like me don’t have much of a chance in life.” The 17-19 age…
Here at Calm People one of our primary concerns has always been how we may be able to get to people before it’s too late. That sounds dramatic and it may be a little over dramatic but the scenes we sometimes observe in our workshops as people tell their tales would suggest this is not…
All too often anger management and conflict management is really about stress management. The vast majority of the people we work with do not actually have a specific anger issue but they do have an unhealthy relationship with stress. Put it this way, have you noticed how when you are genuinely relaxed and calm and…
This article was first published in the Law Society Gazette In the first of a series on emotional health for lawyers, Julian Hall takes a look at the key personal qualities that help us navigate stress Practising law has changed hugely in the last 30 years, and with it, the associated pressures. Long gone are the…
It is worth being clear at the beginning of this article that involved, as we are, in emotional resilience and conflict management our business is about prevention rather than cure. The same is true about Howes Percival who would rather advise you in advance and help you avoid issues than clear up the mess afterwards.…
Jeremy Clarkson is in the news again. If he is not offending half the population of Argentina or apologising for using racially inappropriate terms in his attempt to remain laddishly popular, he is getting into arguments with colleagues. The current reason for him hitting the headlines (aside from it clearly being a slow news…
Let me be clear about one thing at the beginning of this brief article….Everyone gets angry. Anger is one of our core feelings that we are born with. It is part of our evolutionary process. Maybe, just maybe, in several million years time this feeling may have evolved out of us but…
How to give great hugs This may appear to be a strange post to write but actually there are ways in which you can enhance the benefits of a hug. Remember, a really good hug helps your body release Oxytocin which is beneficial in reducing fear and anxiety which in turn is good for…
I’d like your help…..on the Monday 19th January. I’d like you to spread the love…..I’m talking about hugging. Did you know that hugging someone you trust helps your body release Oxytocin which helps reduce anxiety and fear i.e. stress. Monday 19th of January is officially Blue Monday…theoretically most depressing day of the year. Here at…
Strange opening title? A little. Let me explain…..19th January, or the third Monday in January has become known as Blue Monday. This is apparently as a result of a publicity campaign for a travel firm, Sky Travel, who wanted to increase holiday bookings at a crucial time of year. The actual science behind this day…
This brief blog is written from a perspective that many will find challenging whilst at the same time many will fully understand my viewpoint. My hope is that by writing it, a few of the “I find this really challenging” crowd will be influenced positively. We are at the time of year that signifies renewal,…
Calm People have been helping people survive Christmas for years. This year we decided to share our tips to help us all survive the festive period. We all know that Christmas can be a stressful time. Studies show that January 5th 2015 is likely to be the busiest day of the year for divorce lawyers…
David Mellor, ex cabinet minister, radio personality and Queens Counsel has ended up in the news again because of his behaviour. As is often with these stories they are interesting both because they involve an interesting character but also because these characters offer us insights into our own behaviour and we can learn from them.…
In 2013 Julian was asked to give a talk on stress and it’s context in anger at National Conference “Working with Anger” in Edinburgh. The conference was simultaneously broadcast on the internet and people from around the world engaged with questions. This is a ten minute excerpt. If you want to see the whole video…
One of the main TV channels breakfast news shows (Good Morning Britain) has been leading with a story and analysis of parking issues round schools and safety issues surrounding it. Much of the discussion with guests on the sofa was about the anger and rage that is directed towards those that choose to confront and…
Howes Percival are a leading commercial law firm whose clients range from individuals and families to global businesses and government departments. They offer a wide range of legal expertise and are constantly investing in new specialisms to ensure that they can offer excellent advice to their clients across all aspects of their business. With offices…
HR Review asked Julian Hall to write an article about anger and employees. Here is a taste We all get angry, that’s fact. How we deal with that anger is often very different. Expressing anger appropriately in the workplace is vital for a safe, secure and productive environment, unfortunately that doesn’t always happen and…
Emotional Resilience Specialist Julian Hall takes an irreverent look at human behaviours under stress in his regular column for Business Matters Magazine and explains why, in reality, it’s no joke. It can be stressful running a business and as small businesses we can experience a whole range of emotions many times a day depending upon…
Emotional Resilience Specialist Julian Hall discusses how we express feelings in the workplace in his regular column for Business Matters Magazine Have you ever used the ‘F’ work at work? Being able to express yourself at work and truly say how you feel has become more challenging. Being able to be honest about how you…
Can you answer ‘yes’ to any of these questions? • Do you fantasise that winning the lottery will solve all your problems and make you happy? • Do you ever get accused of never being happy with what you have got? • When asked the question above do you inwardly smile and acknowledge this as…
Once again Tiny Buddha website asked us if we would contribute to their content. It’s not difficult to flatter Julian and the subject of happiness was on his mind so he agreed. Click here to read his post and add your comments
I was attending a seminar. It was a fantastic, positivity filled, energetic seminar. Delegates were encouraged to get up and speak about their experiences. A lady who I knew stood up to speak. I knew this would be a challenge for her. This lady has low confidence, although it would be better to say that…
I have been developing a new collaborative project in the last 6 months. During the research and development stage this project caused me to examine leadership. In particular it caused me to consider what qualities an emotionally intelligent leader will have and will demonstrate. In this article I will share a few of them. Click…
As our reputation grows here at Calm People we regularly get asked to contribute material for other websites. We don’t accept the invitations often but on this occasion when the Tiny Buddha website came calling we decided we are trying to achieve similar outcomes in different ways. A great combination. This led to this article,…
I know this is stating something that is perfectly obvious to most of us but the hard evidence to support what we have intuitively always known continues to build. Most of us know that anger and conflict is bad for relationships and in extreme cases can destroy families. Now there is more evidence that it…
John has been driving lorries for a living for years. The job has some perks, but today’s busy roads, angry drivers and road rage stress him and he worries about the long term effects on his health. He’s ratty with his family and has had some close shaves with other drivers that he’d rather not…
This brief article is prompted by an increase in the last 2 years of people who, when they hear that one of our areas of expertise is Anger Management, ask the question “So are you like Charlie Sheen?” A few years ago as a result of the film Anger Management the question would have been…
Occasionally we notice themes and trends developing in the demands for the services that we offer. An area that is steadily increasing in demand is that of working with children and young adults. Before we have really got down to an in depth discussion with the parents and the child the question the parents are…
I was asked to give a talk at a local college as part of Entrepreneur Week some time ago. In the current economic and social environment being an entrepreneur is heavily labelled as about making profit and increasing wealth. Knowing that I was going to come in to contact with many budding entrepreneurs my mind…
This may be a difficult statement to believe, emotional resilience, emotional development and anger management are all pretty much the same. They all have similar outcomes albeit that people may be drawn to them for different reasons. Some need to move towards resilience and development whereas others need to move away from anger. What…
The news channels covered the recent news from the Football Association that they were going to tackle angry and abusive parents on the touchline. This has long been in my consciousness, not because my children play football, because my friends whose children do play football continuously tell me of the issues they observe at matches.…
Stan Collymore was all over the media this morning as it transpired that he had received death threats via Twitter after he gave his opinion on Saturday that Luis Suarez dived. Now Stan is paid to give his opinion and most of his followers on Twitter will expect him to do this, even if they…
This blog I prompted by a headline in the Daily Mail today “Experts who think anger can be cured with an aspirin.” It is not the first time that press have raised the prospect that anger could be “cured” by a pill so it is worth addressing now. The headline is a little misleading. When…
This is often a challenging time for people who are interested in our work but who have not managed, yet, to take the important step of working with us. We are in a time where many will be suffering the post festive hangover that has accompanied fraught festivities and family driven, sometimes alcohol fuelled conflict.…
Do you clear up misunderstandings in a respectful healthy manner or do you let them fester? Perhaps you prefer the direct approach. Emotional Resilience Expert Julian Hall takes a closer look at what a healthy assertive Sharing culture may look like. This article appeared in Business Matter Magazine as part of Calm People’s series on…
We have been helping our clients deal with the aftermath of Christmas for years. We always like to help you out with some preparation in advance. Below is our Christmas survival guide. We all know that Christmas can be a stressful time. Studies show that January 6th 2014 is likely to be the busiest day…
There will be much written about Nelson Mandela in the coming weeks as South Africa in particular and the rest of the world mourns the loss of one of the world’s greatest role models. In a world where our political leaders are often defined by their weaknesses here was a man who role modelled exactly…
I was privileged to be asked to talk about anger on a special podcast for Head Trash. While I was a little nervous about being interviewed and recorded Alexia Leachman turned out to be someone highly skilled at relaxing her subject and getting the best from them. I hope you will agree. To access the…
A few years ago I was asked to work in Northern Ireland with a group of adults addicted to drugs and alcohol. I was there to share my strategies for dealing with anger. It was the most uplifting experience for me. Every person I met and worked with had their own outstanding qualities and they…
Ever wondered what Anger Management is really about? May be this will help you. There are many assumptions made about anger management. Sometimes it is the fault of the film ‘Anger Management’ starring Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler which, let’s acknowledge, is made for entertainment. This creates stereotypes in people’s mind as to how they…
Emotional resilience, stress and conflict in the workplace are core issues we deal with at Calm People Business Matters Magazine liked the first article so much they asked for another immediately. What’s your boss like? What Culture does he/she create by their actions. To read the article on the Business matters Website click here
Business Matters – The Calm Columnist We are delighted to announce that Julian Hall has been commissioned by Business Matters Magazine to write a series of articles aimed at owners and senior managers in businesses. The first is entitled “Do you profit from your employees low self esteem?” Julian Hall, Director of Calm…
Act in anger and repent at your leisure. Not an exact quote but near enough to illustrate a point. The reason for this blog is not actually to show the downside of anger. It’s actually to open up the discussion that anger is not all bad. Because a core part of the work we do…
This article was prompted by the widely reported survey from American Psychological Association’s Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showing that men’s self esteem is negatively affected when their partners are more successful. Given where and what we have evolved from this is no surprise and given the world we live in now there is…
The internet is a great place for finding out about stuff you are interested in so it’s no surprise to us that people would use it to search for “how to control anger” or “tactics and strategies to deal with anger.” In fact, in the past, we have positively encouraged it by producing free down…
Big Brother, the grand daddy of all modern day “reality” television has since its inception been skating downhill towards cartoonish acting out and triviality until last night. When the first ever series was ramping up its publicity the production company Endemol touted it as a modern day psychological experiment with plenty of learning to be…
“What other people think of me is none of my business.” Wayne Dyer When I was growing up and learning banter within my friendship and associate groups an often used sarcastic response to criticism was “you clearly mistake me for someone who cares what you think!” Witty, cutting, cruel and quite insightful, that phrase returned to…
A number of themes have been arising in our groups and one to one consultations recently. The strongest one by far has been the theme of anger during and after divorce or the ending of a relationship. More specifically the behaviours that are generated by the uncomfortable feelings generated by relationship breakdown have been in…
This week behaviour during a “playful tiff” has become a symbol of another’s self esteem being eroded bit by bit. Well that may be a bit strong but if you read to the end you may see what I mean. Charles Saatchi and Nigella Lawson have long been one of London society’s mature It couples…
As the government announced new plans to give Traffic Police Officers powers to fine people on the spot for middle lane driving and for tailgating, the subject of road rage becomes a sensitive one again. So what is it about driving cars that can turn the mildest and calmest person into an aggressive, vindictive and…
We were asked by the Chartered Institute of Management Accountants to video some tips for their students to deal with exam stress. Watch this video to get your assistance with dealing with pressure and stress
A report in Medical News Today last week reported the two directional link between experiencing partner violence and depression. I have to say, as a specialist in anger management and emotional resilience, it does not surprise me. Rage and depression – two sides of the same coin I feel sorry for our GPs. Many…
There are many who seek their thrills on a roller-coaster and as the inevitable plunge down into the depths of the third loop happens, the screams are those of excitement and resignation mixed up with the innate knowledge that actually this will end eventually and we will be alright. That’s about enjoyment. How does George Osbourne get…
The football world shook yesterday after one of its most talented players demonstrated levels of behaviour that dragged it into new lows. The Luis Suarez biting incident followed a week of football hooligan violence on and off pitch. Any wonder given that level of role modelling. Angry? There are several issues that can be drawn…
This is a question that often gets addressed on the workshops I run. Whilst almost every attendee turns up on a course with the sole intention of coming to terms with their relationship to anger there is often a sub text going on. It goes something like this….” I have attended this course because I…
When one man breaks a clear agreement between two people you may expect some disagreement or anger. When this becomes magnified under the glare of competitiveness that is Formula One the intensity is multiplied. You can expect Mark Webber to be angry at his egotistical team mate but Vettel’s behaviour has elements of anger about…
I have spoken about this on radio recently and again, as the sentencing of both Vicky Pryce and her ex-husband Chris Huhne is imminent, it becomes a lesson in not letting anger take over. There is no doubt that Vicky has just cause be angry at Chris Huhne. Whatever anyone may think of politicians and…
I have been thinking this week about the balance of our work in the world of work and in personal relationships. The focus in the former is usually about how to achieve conflict resolution, how to deal with the stresses of corporate life, and how to manage the angry client or member of staff. Anger…
I have been thinking recently about the ways in which we avoid emotions and feelings. One of the reasons for avoiding feelings is to cope with feeling vulnerable. We live in a world where being happy and cheerful seems to be the primary goal, and this can be achieved, so the media tells us, by…
Last month I visited a large company in the Midlands, where I needed to sit with a client in a quiet room for an hour or so. I was shown into an office which was relatively bare excepting a desk, computer and a couple of chairs. My attention was drawn to a large notice taped…
There is a saying about holding a grudge. It is “holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.” It’s quite a hard hitting message telling you that holding anger inside you for years only does your health harm, and it does. So why do so many of us hold…
We often refer to unhealthy anger as a power game. It’s our way of holding on to and increasing our personal feeling of power in an unhealthy way. In an abusive relationship it can even be our way of fighting back or regaining power we feel we have lost but also it can be our…
The Daily Mail ran an article on office behaviours For me this area is really worth a look at in more detail. The article had some really interesting statistics from a Pru Health survey. It said Half of us admit to regular meltdowns at work, whether it’s ranting and raving, or throwing staplers — or…
For me, in my experience of life and the work that I do, bullying is all about self esteem. It is about the self esteem of the victim and the self esteem of the bully. Other than in exceptional circumstances the bully has low self esteem. What they are trying to achieve, in the only…
I have been thinking a little more about the theme from other blogs on self esteem. We teach that it is an individual adult’s responsibility to take care of their own needs and not expect others to do so for them. This makes them both emotionally mature and independent. We also teach parents that it…
This story has the names changed. Other than that it is true. I first had contact with Danny through my website. He enquired about courses and I gave him some details and added him to my mailing list. I heard nothing more from him for four weeks and then he called me. He had some…
If you want to deal with your anger but are too ashamed to take that next step read on. We get many calls from people wanting to deal with their anger. They speak with us, but they are afraid to take the ultimate step of booking on the course that will change them for good. Sometimes…
This subject was brought to mind when an article on anger in sports was run on BBC TV. Essentially England’s Rugby team coach was saying anger in sport is not good. The journalists were asking whether a certain amount of anger and aggression is necessary in sport. What they were really saying was “does removing…
There is a rule in politics for when politicians are involved in a crisis of their own making. It goes something like this. Apologise. Move on. Do not return, if you can help it, to analyse the whys, the issues and the consequences. One of the facts of life that those of us with anger…
I had an experience recently that relates to forgiveness. As always, I am struck by the number of people that attend my courses that are holding onto wrongs that have been exacted on them and the deep emotional pain that goes with them. Being human I am able to see these issues and characteristics in…
A few weeks ago a young man who was in contact with me wrote this. We had been in contact because he was distressed by the breakdown of his relationship. Interestingly his girlfriend was implying that he was closed down, not in touch with his feelings, and found it difficult to express himself. The energy…
Anger and Gaming This post was written in June 2012 but for those of you with children that game it is still relevant. The British Association of Anger Management (BAAM) released details of a small but significant survey we carried out with some of our clients. We found that 46 percent of respondents found that…
A friend of mine asked me if there was any material she could read about how angry she feels when she experiences criticism. Whilst I pointed her to a couple of different texts I thought it would be useful to have my thought and experience of this in one place. Let’s first examine criticism itself.…
This post was written in August 2012. While the subject is not as current the actual content and analysis in it is, so I have kept it on As Jasmine Lennard entered the Celebrity Big Brother house this week I knew we were going to have some interesting times with her there. Her whole “I’m…
This article is not about sport although may be that there is an article to be written about golf, cricket and any other sport that requires you to have a stroke. The witty pun style title for the article is a reference to research that recently emerged from the University Hospital in Madrid that shows…
This blog was originally written in September 2012 but is still relevant At last the government is amending the law on domestic violence. There will not be a new law but there will be an emphasis and a change in the interpretation of it. The crucial issues and one I have written about and talked…
This brief blog is triggered by an article in this week’s Sunday Times penned by India Knight. The basis for her article is that swathes of celebrity autobiographies have been published and that many are “heroically” describing their battle with depression. India’s basic point is “we know. We understand.” And she goes on to say…
I often say in my workshops that anger is about power. Any of my clients who have been in abusive relationships, on either side, recognise that but it is not just about the abuse of power. This is a subject that I personally found difficult to engage with when I started this work. It was…
It was with some sadness that I heard of the troubles of Rafael Van de Vaart being played out so publicly in the press this week. I also accept the irony of that statement as I proceed to write about him. My sadness is for a relationship that has failed and in particular for their son who…
I love surveys about anger. I love studies about anger even more because they raise public awareness of this serious subject that ruins perfectly strong and healthy relationships. I love them even more when the conclusions are strange and this may be one of them. The survey I am referring to actually came out with…
In Live Science this week there is an article titled Couples See Anger But Miss Sadness When Fighting. It goes on to reveal research that suggests that in expressions of anger couples may miss the fact that their partner is also feeling quite sad also. The research also suggested that “this means that if a couple falls into…
I often have children brought to me by parents with the question, why is my child angry. In my experience there are roughly 3 reasons why children express anger in an inappropriate or unhealthy way. Childhood Trauma Remember that how traumatic an incident is to an individual is down to how deeply it affected them,…
It has always been said that the bond between a mother and her son is special. Never more so than the situations I have been encountering recently. As my work has extended to helping the partners of angry and controlling people I have come into contact with more mothers who have experienced angry and aggressive partners.…
