This post was written in August 2012. While the subject is not as current the actual content and analysis in it is, so I have kept it on
As Jasmine Lennard entered the Celebrity Big Brother house this week I knew we were going to have some interesting times with her there. Her whole “I’m the queen bitch” personality was continually reinforced as we were witness to conversations with other celebrities where she would assert ‘You have been very diplomatic because if someone had written that about me it would have been on.’
Throughout the show she continually reinforced her bad girl image and in almost every interaction you can sense that there is aggression bubbling away under the surface.
I have met these kinds of ladies before. In fact I have had close friendships with a few. In all of these times the aggressive, spiky, ready to attack at any moment type of personality is a front. Don’t misunderstand what I am saying, they, as Jasmine is, are all capable of attacking and hurting people who cross their paths. The front is that they enjoy this image. The front is that they want you to know their aggression. The front is there, in reality, to hide a frightened, vulnerable little girl who really just wants to be loved. It’s a mask they wear that says “I dare you to love me and if you try I will test your love at every opportunity. You will have to prove your love to me ten times over and I will still not be satisfied.”
Jasmine’s background gives us some clues as to why she may have grown up into the physically beautiful but ultimately damaged personality that she is today. She is the daughter of playboy Brian Lennard, who founded Sacha Shoes, and actress Marilyn Galsworthy, once a James Bond actress. She and her two sisters, Pandora and Jessica were named by their mother after three of their father’s mistresses in “a tribute to those who didn’t make it”. Her mother has a chequered past and has been quoted as saying about Jasmine “Emotionally we’re identical, neither of us have a verbal shredding machine, whatever we’re thinking just flies – and I mean flies – out of our mouths. We’re both pretty volatile.”
So Jasmine has a role model who behaves the same way and, therefore, she thinks it is an acceptable way to behave. She also has a role model who committed the ultimate passive aggressive act of naming her children after her husband’s mistresses. Needing to remind your partner of his indiscretions, in perpetuity and needing the public statement that she made it and they did not is, in my opinion, the sign of an unhealthy relationship with oneself.
So where does this personality fit into Anger Management?
Jasmine has unhealthy self esteem and, as such, needs the world to confirm to her that the is beautiful, loveable, respected etc. She does not have the self esteem that is strong enough to value herself and needs others to do it for her. She has found that by projecting the spiky personality that she does she gets the attention and validation from others that she needs with the added bonus that if you do not live up to her expectations she can attack you whilst saying to herself “what did you expect? I warned you I was aggressive.”
Question: How many times have you been angry with someone because they did not respect you, listen to you, and understand you? There are many more emotional needs (to be loved, held, validated etc) associated with self esteem. If you develop healthy self esteem then you have no need of others positive strokes to shore you up.
Jasmine, has developed a career in modelling which is the ultimate deal with the devil for someone with unhealthy self esteem. A career that is solely based upon being told how beautiful you are and how loveable you are which ultimately will end in rejection. The thing about unhealthy self esteem is that the more you meet its emotional demands, the more it needs. That’s what is bluntly referred to as being needy. It’s harsh but true.
What goes hand in hand with this is the ability to take almost everything personally. This was amply demonstrated at nominations time. This is never a nice thing to experience and Jasmine dealt with it by taking offence at the reasons she was nominated. The truth is, whatever reason she was given for being nominated she would have taken it personally.
So if you have a track record of destroying relationships with your barbed comments, spiky sarcasm and generally defensive nature anger management is a great place to get some personal development.
In our workshops, all we do is help people understand themselves and deal with the issues they bring to relationships.
With regards to Jasmine, as with all our clients, you have to want to change. She may find that, on balance, she gets more or less what she wants out of being like she is and thus may not wish to change. If she ever does though, we would love to work with her.
If you recognise yourself in any of this and would like a confidential chat call Calm People East Midlands 07850614042 and ask for Julian or Calm People West Midlands 07950344658 and ask for Paula. If you want to know more about the anger management, stress management, and emotional resilience courses run in Derby & Birmingham call the above numbers or click here