I love surveys about anger. I love studies about anger even more because they raise public awareness of this serious subject that ruins perfectly strong and healthy relationships. I love them even more when the conclusions are strange and this may be one of them.

The survey I am referring to actually came out with perfectly sensible conclusions. This was carried out by German researchers with over 6000 patients and they concluded that those who internalized their angry feelings ran the risk of an elevated pulse, high blood pressure, and other serious ailments. That is a good enough headline conclusion for me and is a great lead in to inform those that think anger is just about exploding and throwing temper tantrums that it is not about that.

Most of us do not explode very often. We do, however, implode a lot. We all get angry. We all have moments every day where things do not go our way and where we will experience feelings of frustrations (anger) and irritation (anger) and fed up (anger), get the picture? We have a lot of words we use to avoid saying we are angry. More to the point we have a really good way of avoiding anger all together and that is to pretend we are not angry when we are. The thing is, with a powerful emotion like anger you can’t hide it so it leaks out in the form of sarcasm, back biting, bitchiness and withholding of affection or sulking.

What this report shows is that while we are doing this, we are also affecting our blood pressure, increasing our risk of stroke as well as developing stomach ulcers etc. More to the point is we are developing unhealthy passive aggressive relationships.

So what am I trying to say?

Anger is natural. We all feel it very often. How you express it in a healthy manner is the key. Exploding is unhealthy and more noticeable. Imploding is just as (may be more) unhealthy for relationships and for your health.

I started this post by mentioning strange conclusions. One article I read the “expert” psychologist asked to comment on the figures was quoted as recommending “channelling anger into something constructive, like forming a group or starting a petition.”   Now then, cut up on the road by an inconsiderate driver? Don’t get road rage, start a petition……hmmmm

So back to reality, we all get angry, we all could learn more about expressing it in a healthy way. We can all learn the tactics and strategies needed to manage anger. The key for me is that if you can recognise there is anger in the communications in your relationship, don’t ditch the relationship sort out the anger.

If you want to change your relationship by addressing your issues or are in an angry relationship and want to know what to do call 07850614042 and ask for Julian or 07950344658 and ask for Paula.

From their offices in the Midlands and on line, Julian Hall *  Paula Backen deliver transformational workshops and work one to one with those that have issues with both sides of aggression and anger and stress. If you want to know more about the anger management, stress management, and emotional resilience courses run in Derby & Birmingham call the above numbers or click here