No point being pushed. My choice is all important


We have been running a lot of workshops recently and for many the experience is the same. They begin to realise that by using the self coaching techniques we teach them they are beginning to take responsibility for and make choices around their mental health. As they do this they are effectively advising themselves on what their best course of actions is. Often, as they reflect, they realise the advice they are giving themselves is very similar, but not exactly the same, as the advice their family, friends, mentors and helpful colleagues have been thrusting at them for years. In reflection they often ask themselves why they have not done this before and it is a relatively simple answer. 

When people push their advice and well meaning truths on to us they put us in a place where we feel we only have two choices. Take their advice, comply, admit I was wrong, that I needed their help or don’t. If I dont I am in rebellion mode. Many of us have quietly been rebelling against all the advice we get showered with for years. The other side of that gift of advice is that we may comply. Wemay do this with genuine intent thinking it is a good idea. The “but” that presents itself here is that it is not our idea and as such we are bound to be less committed to it than if it were our idea, coming from our mind and with our thought process tailoring our solution to our circumstances.

This internal process of self advice is even more important in the area of mental health where ownership of our issues and the appropriate healthy solution is so important.

This challenge was at the forefront of our mind when we started the process of designing and building Inner Calm, our online emotional health support service. That is why we developed our model 

Our Model





We skilfully raise your awareness. In doing so we give you a choice. We can even help motivate you to take action. The only person, however, who can follow through and build a new healthy habit is you. You will only do that if you have worked out your options and made your choice.

That way your self development is more impactful.

At Inner Calm you take an assessment. It delivers to you your own personalised emotional and mental health report which covers seven key areas of our mental and emotional health. We score each area with Red, Amber or Green and then give you the choice of where to start.

“Why” you may ask “ go to the trouble of giving me a great report with all that detail and then leave it up to me where I start?” The answer is partly written above and also relates to what I will cover next.

For most of us those seven areas are interrelated. They have crossovers, influence each other and have impacts both hidden and obvious that make the right choice over which issues to tackle first, a complex subject. 

There are seven areas covered by the report and they are stress, self esteem, the past, outlook, meaning, feelings and physical. If, for example, your report tells you you have the areas physical, stress and self esteem and the past coloured red you have a choice of where to start. As a therapist I may suggest you start with your relationship with stress because that causes you to over consume food and drink which is why you have a weight problem which, in turn, is impacting your self esteem. Then I’ll get you to look at your past. However, because you know yourself better than I do, you may choose to attack the issues you have still not dealt with in the past which reduces your stress issues, your over consuming and in time, your self esteem.

Who’s choice matters?

Yours because you are more likely to follow through on your own initiative.

Of the initial 550 people we tested the assessment and report on 94% told us it describes them accurately. So we can help you with the awareness bit and with the report being so comprehensive we are definitely nailing the choice part. The videos and workbooks in the 8 different development pathways may assist you in taking the action you feel you need to, but only you can come back time and time again and work on yourself so that it becomes a habit.

Without being sarcastic and patronising….the choice is yours.

If you would like to find out more about Inner Calm click here.


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